Case Numbers Expected To Surge In Penrith And Redfern Over Next 24 Hours

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

As the NRL Grand Final draws near, health experts are expecting a huge surge in the number of cases in the areas of Penrith and Redfern over the next 24 hours.

And also potentially South East Queensland where they are about to pack tens of thousands into a single venue.

Health experts claim that before kickoff they are expecting a case to be in every household in the two Sydney suburbs, with two cases likely being present in households that contain an uncle who sometimes wears his Souths jersey to funerals.

Unfortunately for residents of Penrith and Redfern, it is not just cases of Tooheys and VB they can expect to see in their homes this Sunday but other hybrid beers such as TEDs and Pure Blonde which are much more contagious amongst young people.

Although it is possible to watch a game of football without drinking alcohol, many NRL fans have unfortunately lost that skill and can realistically only be relied on as much as the players they idolise to do the right thing.

As a result, health experts are projecting a record number of cases in Penrith and Redfern that could lead to a Maximus and bacon & egger shortage the following morning.

When asked what health advice to follow in regards to the anticipated surge in case numbers, former Premier Gladys Berijiklian said “they can drink piss for all I care.”