Canadian-Australian Relations Collapse As Mark Carney Is Offered 'Poutine' At State Luncheon

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Decades of diplomatic goodwill between Australia and Canada were undone this afternoon when visiting Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was presented with what Parliament House catering staff described as "poutine" during a state luncheon in Canberra.

The dish in question, thick-cut pub-style chips, instant gravy, and a generous handful of shredded cheddar cheese, was placed in front of the visiting leader at lunch today, moments after he'd delivered a rousing address to Parliament about the unshakeable bond between middle powers.

Witnesses say Carney stared at the plate for what one aide described as "an uncomfortably long time."

"You could see something die behind his eyes," the aide said.

"He turned to his aide and said, 'Respectfully, what the fuck is this?' and shook his head."

The fresh Quebec cheese curds, the non-negotiable foundation of authentic poutine, prized for their characteristic squeak, had been substituted with pre-shredded Cheer from a resealable bag. The chips were machine-cut from defrosted potatoes. Gravox is understood to be the brand that the Parliament House kitchen went for.

Prime Minister Albanese reportedly attempted to defuse the situation by saying "dig in, mate, it's shit on chips, my favourite," before being silently tapped on the shoulder my his Chief of Staff to say that Carney wasn't going to eat it.

After taking a mouthful, Albo turned to Todd Carney's first cousin and said, "go on, mate, it's off it's cunt good."

The Canadian delegation departed for Tokyo two hours ahead of schedule.

More to come.