Man responsible for VB Raw released from prison

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A TOP-LEVEL EXECUTIVE responsible for VB Raw has been released from gaol today after completing a seven-year sentence in Goulburn.

Charged with high treason and crimes against common decency, Allan Gabriel Clarke was initially sentenced to 350 years in a maximum security prison but it was reduced on appeal.

Speaking today from the windswept brothel town of Goulburn, Clarke said he felt ready to re-mesh with society.

“I plead guilty and I did my time. VB Raw was the worst thing to happen to this fine country since the introduction of the GST,” he said.

“It was a dark period of my life. What was I thinking? A low carb VB? It makes my skin crawl evening thinking about it.”

His release comes before another Carlton United executive, who’s still serving a 35-year sentence for lowering the alcohol content of the fine drop from 4.9% to 4.6% – something that sent 94% of Australians into a blind rage.

A total of nine seizures were recorded and a death in Terrigal unfortunately happened. A coroner concluded the lower alcohol content and the change in taste sent people into shock.

That case is still in front of an appeals court.