Victorian Government To Fix The Housing Crisis By Replacing Commission Flats With $2m Units

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

The Victorian Government has today announced that it will solve the housing crisis once and for all.

The landmark policy will be achieved by demolishing the states 47 public housing towers and replacing them with those weird cookie cutter units valued at over $2 million apiece.

In the midst of a cost of living and housing crisis the Government has told residents from the towers to please get out quietly whilst we try to find you a private rental in an unfamiliar area away from crucial services and community.

Victorian Minister for Housing, Harriet Shing told The Advocate that, “we’re having real issues with supply so, we’ve decided to sell off the public housing and let the private sector take care of that mess.”

The Victorian Government has asked key sections of the media to politely smile and nod and ask no follow up questions when they say, ‘issues with supply’.

Homes Victoria will lead the charge in the construction of the multi-million-dollar units, which will get the green light as they are loosely defined as being social and affordable housing.

When Shing was asked by one brave but equally confused journalist why the government didn’t instead just build more public housing or retro fit the original flats instead, Shing had this to say.

“Look mate, we’re having issues with supply so, Homes Victoria have agreed to do the heavy lifting. They are technically a not for profit institution that people shouldn’t look into too much. It’s a massive undertaking  funnelling these vulnerable public housing residents into the private ‘affordable’ market and they should be commended for that.”

Demolition of the flats has not yet commenced but will soon take place.

More to come.