A young Betoota single is beginning to map out a few months in South America, after wallowing through weeks of watching all of her best friends get engaged.

Despite blowing her entire house deposit savings on flights and the possibility of picking up the next new and improved strain of the Spicy Sneeze, for 27-year-old Bridget Sloane, the decision to book a three-month escape to South America is worth the risk.

“Honestly I just want to go off grid for a bit, I can’t do another night scrolling my phone, reading every dumb congratulatory comment on all these damn engagement posts,” said Miss Sloane.

“I’d rather spend 14 days isolating in a cupboard in La Paz than sit through another week watching all my loved up friends post their happy snaps.”

Speaking to The Advocate, the young single shared some insights into the bleak experience of being single over the Christmas and New Year period.

“It starts with Christmas, every nosey prick wants to know what’s the deal with your love life,” said Miss Sloane.

“New Years is awful, the clock strikes midnight and you end up hiding in the bathroom so you don’t get stuck standing next to the loser that’s been borrowing your vape all night.”

“And to top it off, my social feed is nothing but couples debuting their new puppy or even worse, flaunting new diamonds on their fingers.”

“I’m over it!”

When asked why South America had made it to the top of her travel list, Miss Sloane admitted the country ticked a number of boxes.

“Well I can finally get an Instagram post of me standing on top of Machu Picchu.”

“If there’s one way to let everyone know you’re living your best unpartnered life, it’s by standing on top of some big fuck off mountain in hiking gear!”

“Then I could sit on a beach for a few days in Ecuador, maybe meet a hot surfer?” 

“And also I’ve heard the partying in Medellín is good too! Cheap as well. Very cheap.”

More to come.


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