As bushfire season heats up, firefighters are taking no chances to prevent the infernos of previous years, even though the initial signs point to this being the worst of all time.

Which politicians are now reluctantly saying might have something to do with the climate changing or something.

The most recent precaution is the implementation of dedicated Car Torching Zones to allow motorists to safely cash in their insurance policies without inadvertently destroying a few small towns in the process.

“Lots of people have the liability of a car that is worth more as a charred husk so this is all about providing a safe place where they can make a claim against their insurer without endangering the property of others.” said RFS spokesman Leyland Sweeney.

“For this reason, we will be providing these discreet safe zones in industrial areas where the chances of the fire getting out of control are very minimal, but the chances of getting an unreasonably large amount of money for a clapped-out shitbox are quite high.”

Although some details are yet to be finalised, the RFS has indicated the Car Torching Zones will operate 7 days a week, between the hours of 11pm and 4am. At each location at least one firefighter will be on hand to dispense an appropriate amount of accelerant and provide basic tools for the removal of expensive wheels and stereo systems that “must have been stolen” before the car was destroyed.

In an e-mail, insurance underwriter IAG described the idea as “fucking stupid”.


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