Bloke Who Did Dry July Completely Legless After Drinking One Strong Kombucha

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

A local man is struggling to remember his own birthday this afternoon after attempting to improve his gut health.

After spending the last 31 days booze free, Ethan Bradshaw (28) was seen stumbling out of the Betoota Ponds IGA slurring his speech whilst holding an empty brown bottle of passionfruit & mango kombucha.

“Mate I was just a bit thirsty and wanted something without mountains of sugar,” Ethan told our reporter whilst swaying from side to side.

“My girlfriend has been telling me I need more fermented things in my diet, but this thing has rocked me.”

Having not drunk any booze throughout July, it’s believed Ethan’s tolerance for alcohol has reached lows not experienced since he cracked his first beer in his late teen years.

Given his body has now adapted to thrive at its optimal performance, it’s believed the fruity fermentation of yeast and live cultures was enough to convince Ethan’s brain to operate in slow motion and wipe his entire sense of balance.

“I need to go have a lie down, can you call me a cab?” Ethan asked our reporter.

“I’m going camping for my mates birthday this weekend, I’ll be turning up with a 6-pack of ginger and finger lime lemonades and that’ll do me for the whole weekend!”

More to come.