TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

Local man, Tyler Waters, had a sting that would kill a small child as he began his holiday in the United States of America, however on his first night on the town in Chicago he has found himself completely out of his depth and asking for his mother. 

“What is this place?” 

“What time do the lock out laws come in?” he asked his American friend, praying it was sometime soon. 

Unfortunately for Tyler, no lock out laws we’re going to save him, he had no choice but continue to stay out and drink. 

Reports from the scene are not pretty.

According to multiple witnesses, Tyler was an absolute mess and completely ill-equipped to handle a full night on the piss. 

On multiple occasions he had to go to the bathroom and vomit and it’s believed he even tried to fight a father of three who looked at him ‘the wrong way’. 

The Advocate reached out to Tyler the morning after his debaucherous night to see how he was feeling and whether or not he had quenched his sting. 

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Man, I can’t handle it over here. Free pouring should be illegal, what is that shit?” 

“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m kind of happy that we have lock out laws and responsible service of alcoholic, I’m not cut out for this man.” 

With 3 more weeks of his holiday ahead of him, Tyler said he will just try and do the best he can. 

More to come.


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