Boss Has To Explain To Gen Z Employee That Work Emails Can’t Just Be Sent As A Voice Message

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

A local hedge fund manager is smacking her head against a set of kitchenette cupboards this morning after an almighty blow up in the workplace.

As a Client Service Manager at Montclair & Fitch Capital, Fiona Helmsman has the super duper easy task of managing a portfolio of 17 different clients, who all expect her to be on call for their every need 24 hours a day.

But given she’s leading a team of ten junior to mid level level spreadsheet makers, Fiona admits it’s been tough to make sure every interaction with clients is above board, especially when she’s recently hired a batch of young graduates who spent their formative years locked inside scrolling TikTok, frying their cerebral cortex with brainrot.

This morning, after taking a few minutes to survey her floor of workers, it’s believed one interaction meant Fiona had to pull one of her new grads aside for a little chat.

Spotting one Ariana Chappell-Groan (23) whispering into her phone whilst squinting at a spreadsheet on her desktop, Fiona was horrified to see the young grad delivering some pretty important news to a top paying client via voice message.

“Heyyyyy Marty. Cute dump from the weekend. Kids birthday party looked fun! Anyways, lil update on the quarterly! Not gonna lie, it’s giving… underwhelming. We might need to relook at those Singapore takeover. I say drop! I’ve already given the deets to legal, they weren’t crazy on it. Said something about major audit issues. But like, they can just chill ya know…”

“Hit me back here, or just DM me. You know I’m not big for emails, it’s just SO. MUCH. ADMIN! Talk laterrrs!”

Watching on as her grad, who she charges out at $550 an hour, delivered potentially stock market altering news via the little microphone button on her phone, Fiona was forced to step up and put on her big manager boots.

“Hey Ariana, mind if we go for a little tea in the kitchen. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble…”

Big trouble to come.