Bloke Who Preferred The Thinking Man's Mario Kart Growing Up Also A Weird Contrarian In Other Aspects Of His Strange Life

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A lower-middle-class gentleman from Betoota Heights has reflected on his childhood this week and has analysed the impact of preferring Diddy Kong Racing to Mario Kart has had on his life.

It is the thinking man's Mario Kart. Racing across land, water and air. As it said on the box, Mario Kart is for boys, Diddy Kong Racing is for men.

"That's the creed by which I've lived my life," said Tom Poon, who is also famously the only person in Western Queensland that follows the A-League.

"Mario Kart was just to linear for me, I preferred to have my skills put to the test as a kid. Racing in 3-axis. It just required a bit more nous, higher thinker. I credit Diddy Kong Racing for making the connection between my left and right brain better trafficked than the Bruce Highway,"

"And it's not just that. I was always more of a Banjo Kazooie type kid. No thanks, didn't need to waste my time with Super Mario. Again, there was more of a variety of gameplay that rewarded non-linear thinking. Have you heard of Pilotwings? Yeah, I didn't think so. That was my favourite. You had to be different to know about Pilotwings."

When asked what else he likes that other people seem to not like, Poon chuckled.

"Look, everyone says Nollsie was robbed. Nobody wants to have the difficult conversation about Scandal’us. CDB understood harmonies. Pacific Drive was our Twin Peaks. And I’m sorry, but the people who bagged The Wedge are the same people who need a British accent to tell them something’s funny. Man O Man asked questions about Australian masculinity that this country still isn’t ready to answer. David Tench Tonight wasn’t a failed programme. It was a failed audience. And I’d put the original ‘Sick ’Em Rex’ ad up against anything Baz Luhrmann’s done, although obviously I consider Australia his strongest work."

He then requested that an earlier favourable remark about TISM be removed from the interview after discovering our reporter also liked them.

More to come.