Bloke Finds Sick Joy Watching His Failing Footy Club Suffer Pre-Season Broncos

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

Parked up on the couch with his chubby calves resting on a beer stained coffee table, Kurt Clinton is in heaven.

With the cricket playing idly on the TV, and some cold slices of last night’s Hawaiian pizza resting on his belly, Kurt is living the epitome of summer heaven.

And today’s all day slob about the home has been made even better, after watching his bottom of the ladder footy team post updates of the players getting absolutely flogged at pre-season training, a flogging that Kurt says they wholeheartedly deserve.

“Wooden spooners! So they should be running time trials in the heat” grumbled Kurt, as he inhaled a particularly nice corner of pizza that had two chunks of glistening pineapple and thick, pink, meaty ham.

“Put me through 27 rounds of hell this year they did! So running broncos in 35 degree heat is exactly what they deserve.”

Despite hardly being in first grade playing shape himself, or having gone to the gym since July, Kurt seemed to suggest it was his god given right as a long-term supporter of the club to inquire about all the player’s time-trial times, and more importantly who won.

“Who got the fastest bronco??” Kurt typed into the comments section of the club's Instagram, after he licked the pizza grease off his fingers.

“Post the times!”

Obviously bonded by the love of his club, Kurt then shared the Reel over to a group chat called HennyPenny Heroes, a chat full of fellow Newcastle Knights fans.

“Boys, we’re looking real good, faster than last year!” he typed.

“Look at the arms on Greg Marzhew, we could have a top four backline this year…”

More pain to come.