Best Man Who Doesn't Often Talk About His Feelings Uses The Word 'Loyal' 15 Times During Wedding Speech

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

A glamorous wedding in the Betoota Downs this weekend has descended into a long-form Martin Scorsese monologue, as a the Best Man took hold of the microphone and begin praising the Groom's inherent sense of 'loyalty'.

The boozy matrimony of Martin and Shelly had until this point been a good old fashioned Australian wedding.

When it came to the speech, both sides of the bride and groom were playing the hits.

The country priest took a break from his rather dull religious sermon to make a few wise cracks about the blues supporters that had travelled up from down south.

One of the aunties got up and recited the famous 'Love Actually' quote as a reading.

The Father-Of-The-Groom decided to tell his life story. The Father-Of-The-Bride decided to remind everyone that he was paying for everything. The Mother-Of-The-Bride reminded everyone that a healthy marriage is about picking your battles.

The MC did a roving microphone bit, where he made the grannies blush with his cheeky flirting.

The Maid-of-Honour skirted the the line a little bit with a few wild stories from the uni days, before describing the bride as her 'ride or die'.

This was followed by the bride, getting up to say thank-yous and then mostly talk about her mum and bridesmaids.

Then, all of a sudden, the microphone was handed to Des. The best man.

Nobody has ever heard Des speak in front of a crowd of three or four people before, and he's not exactly known for his emotional IQ.

Des begins with a pretty weird joke about how nobody ever thought the groom was ever going to get a root. Let alone a wife.

He then launches into a 9 minute speech, in which he uses the word 'loyal' over 15 times.

The circumstances in which the groom's loyalty has been tested are left vague, although the Best Man makes it sound like they used to rob armoured trucks for a living. By his twelfth 'loyal' audience members are starting to think that maybe Des is a rampant adulterer - given how much this particular word is being emphasised on his wedding day.

After running out of momentum, and working tirelessly to avoid using words like 'love', 'kindness' and 'friendship' - Des then wraps up with a 'Now lets get pissed!'.

The boys at the front go wild and vacate their seats to go and smoke vapes near the toilets, just as mains are served.

MORE TO COME.