Barnaby’s Job Under Threat From AI As Microsoft Invents Robot That Goes To Regional Shows In The New England And Gets Abused By Intellectual Townies And Farmer’s Wives While Consuming Four Cans Of Hahn Super Dry Mid Per Hour

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce may soon find himself out of work, after Microsoft this week unveiled an artificial intelligence machine specifically designed to do his job.

The “Barnabot” as it’s been dubbed by developers, was launched at the company’s global headquarters in Redmond, Washington, before an audience of tech journalists and venture capitalists who struggled to understand why the robot was talking about water buybacks, in a unique and odd cadence, while double-parking two Hahn Super Dry Mids on the lectern.

According to Microsoft, the Barnabot represents a breakthrough in machine learning. Programmed to attend regional shows across northern New South Wales, the unit can consume four mid-strength beers per hour while simultaneously being abused by intellectual townies and reluctantly listened to by bored farmer’s wives.

Demonstrations at the launch showed the Barnabot wandering around the conference hall, engaging in loosely connected rants about renewable energy before cutting itself off mid-sentence to complain about “bloody city people.” At one point, it began slurring incoherently about the strength of the pound and then urinating in a field, hands free, while rolling a cigarette.

“We’ve been training this model on thousands of hours of National Party public appearances,” said one Microsoft engineer.

“We had to teach it how to get yelled at by both progressive voters and National Party branches, while also making sure it could operate on a steady intake of supermarket-grade lager. The result is indistinguishable from the real thing.”

Journalists present were stunned when the Barnabot successfully replicated a common Joyce manoeuvre, a quick tilt of the head and a wry laugh. The pursing of lips and the raise of an eyebrow, before detailing the many reasons why this Labor politician is wrong and he the enlightened savant in ash-stained moleskins is right.

“It’s uncanny,” said US tech analyst Megan Callahan.

“I don’t know who this Barnaby Joyce guy is, but if his job is wandering around country shows getting heckle by regenerative farming enjoyers from Ben Lomond and drinking mid cans, then yes, this robot is going to put him out of work.”

The timing is awkward for Saint Barnabas of Danglemah, who earlier this week warned that AI posed an existential threat to Australians working clerical jobs.

Speaking to Channel Seven, the former Deputy Prime Minister claimed that office workers risked being replaced by machines unless they moved into trades.

However, industry experts now believe Joyce himself is most at risk.

“If you can build a robot that drinks, pretends it’s quit smoking and avoids policy detail then you’ve essentially built the Member for New England,” said one Canberra insider.

Microsoft confirmed the Barnabot will be shipped to Australia next month for a trial run at the Glen Innes Show, where engineers hope to test its ability to heckle a woodchop judge, misplace taxpayer-funded travel receipts and get spat on by a left-leaning alpaca.

Joyce told reporters he was not concerned about being replaced, insisting no machine could replicate his unique ability to engage with an electorate. And for the most part, he is right.

More to come.