Barnaby Joyce Involved In Rum-Fuelled Altercation At Lyceum Hotel In Longreach

10 March, 2016. 10:45

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This morning it was announced that Tony Windsor will go head to head against the Deputy Prime Minister to win back his old seat of New England. This ends months of speculation about a political comeback to parliament for the independent politician.

Meanwhile, in an attempt to keep his supporters in the National Party heartland onside, Barnaby Joyce spent last night rallying locals at one of the most notorious western Queensland pubs.

Built in 1896, the Lyceum Hotel in Longreach is well-known for its rowdy atmosphere, even on weeknights, and it seems the fact that the second-highest ranking politician in the country was visiting didn’t change much.

Speaking to media in Roma this morning, Mr Joyce refuted claims that he had been “run out of town” – despite the fact he was sporting an obvious black eye.

“It was just like any other night in Longreach,” said the Deputy Prime Minister, between sips from a 1.2 litre Frozen Coke he had picked up at the Roma McDonalds.

“It was a good catch up with some of my old mates out there. It started off a bit hostile because, initially, they thought I had gotten a bit big for my boots,”

“But after letting the air into a few [consuming copious amounts of XXXX bitter cans], I was able to win them over”

Mr Joyce says his visit was received well in Longreach, home of the Stockman’s Hall of Fame.

“Yeah I had put a few of the punters back in line,” he said, before consuming half a ‘Mighty Angus’ burger in one bite.

“There’s always a lot of shit-talk in towns like this, so I had to let them know I was still very much a St George boy. They thought they had lost me to Canberra,”

“We came to an agreement, after a fair few black rats and a bit of persuading from my end,”

When questioned as to how he was able to travel seven hours before talking to the media this morning, Mr Joyce ensured us that he was not driving.

“Nah, I put one of the staffers behind the wheel the moment the sun went up,”

“There’s a lot going on in the world you know. As Deputy PM, I can’t afford to lose my licence,”