Baby That Needs A Passport Photo Holding Up Entire Town’s Black Friday Deliveries

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

In breaking news, a high stakes hostage situation is unfolding down at Betoota City Post Office this afternoon, as a nine-month old child holds our city’s postal network to ransom.

This story comes as a flock of city workers attempt to visit their closest post office to pick up Black Friday deliveries, which were never dropped off on their doorstep, and instead replaced with a “missed delivery” card with zero information filled out.

Forced to head to the post shop during their lunch breaks, The Advocate understands up to 35 workers are currently in line at the Betoota City branch, which doesn’t seem to be moving thanks to a small baby that needs a passport.

With only one out of five terminals in operation, it’s believed time is running out for those who dared a lunch break pickup attempt, which is quickly becoming a lesson in why it’s a good idea to arrange a postage locker.

“God this is a headache” wheezed local para-legal Chelsea Adairs.

“I’m just trying to pick up some new face washers I bought from Sheridan, and I’ve been standing here for 20 minutes.”

“Why does this little bald fck need a passport?” grimaced Mitch Mahhindra, another laptop pounding professional trying to pick up a new running watch.

“That kid can barely see colours yet, but it’s dopey parents seem determined to take it over to Europe for Christmas.”

“If this baby doesn’t hold it’s head still, I might ship it back to Rebel Sport in my parcel box.”