Word Of The Week: Apricity (The Beautiful Warmth Of The Winter Sun)
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Naplan scores dropping and literacy seemingly slipping away in an age of autocorrect, The Betoota
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Cooped Up Victorian Asks Alexa To Tell Him Everything Is Going To Be Okay
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the second week of lockdown begins for the o-so-European city of Melbourne, bachelor
PM’s New JobTrainer Scheme To Involve Selling Exclusive Line Of Government Multi-Vitamins
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Government has today announced the latest in it’s set of ‘Job’ schemes, revealing
Pre-Emptive Tributes Flow In For Madame Ghislaine
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Tributes have begun trickling in for disgraced socialite Ghislaine Maxwell ahead of her scheduled untimely passing
‘Better Than A Restaurant’ Says Local Bloke As He Adds A Few Extra Slices Of Canned Pineapple To Frozen Pizza
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local man has found himself experimenting in the kitchen, after marathoning his way through some
Inner-City Boomer Walks Into Noisy Pub Faking COVID-19 Symptoms In Effort To Shut Venue Down
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local property owner has today continued on her quest to sanitise the suburb she moved
Uni Hipster’s Worst Nightmare Comes True As New Mates Learn He Was A Private School Rugby Hero
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact It’s the dark secret of every Gucci-bumbag hipster on campus at Betoota’s Western
Sydney Man Contemplating Tuesday Night Blow-Out On Premise It Could Be Curtains By The Weekend
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Sydney office worker sitting in a very quiet Sydney office this afternoon is currently wondering
Man Forced To Retrieve Tip After Cute Barista Doesn’t Notice Him Put It In Tip Jar
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Disaster was narrowly averted this week when café customer Tim Froth almost threw his spare change
Positive COVID-19 Case At Star Casino Becomes First Ever Incident Report In History Of Venue
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Some truly shocking news is breaking out of the harbour city of Sydney this afternoon, as
Villainous Big Mask Lobby Begin Toasting Champagne After Mission Accomplished
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from the dimly lit board rooms of Wall Street and the United Nations
Household Morale At All-Time Low After ‘Live Laugh Love’ Sticker Removed For Reno
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT An uncharacteristically morose mood has settled over the Harkins household this week after dad Martin was
PM Tells Victorians They ‘Sound Like The Missus’ After Knocking Him For Having A Beer At The Footy
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today told everyone to ‘just calm down a little bit.