Australians Kids Now Free To Embark On Adventures To Find Dead Bodies Down By The Creek

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

As of midnight, Australia is the first country in the world to enforce a social media ban for children.

This comes as social media platforms are forced to implement the new guidelines in accordance with the government's election promise to protect our kids from the perils of online bullying, predators and brain rot.

Overnight, around half a million accounts on Facebook and Instagram vanished in Australia with a further 440,000 Snapchat accounts and 200,000 removed from TikTok.

While the contrarian media commentators and freedom of speech advocates are now casting doubts about how effective the new restrictions will be, the fact remains that Australians love being given rules - and love following them.

Australian society will now have to get used to the idea of seeing children in public, something that right-wing baby boomers has long lamented but will most likely begin complaining about very soon.

For the kids, the world is now their oyster. As young Australians today emerge from the dark algorthimic cloud that makes them feel depressed and turns them into political extremists, the great outdoors are calling.

Both parents and children alike are reservedly excited by the government giving them all permission to put down those time-wasting screens and to embark on adventures in the real world.

The same generation that spent their most formative childhood years indoors during a global pandemic can now untether themselves from the big tech platforms that has been commodifying their attention spans.

Right across Australia, children are exploring the local parklands and forests, as they navigate the transition from childhood innocence to adolescence the same way thousands of generations have done before them.

Their physiological responses, long dominated by the calculated dopamine hits of social media, are now free to experience the world in real time.

Excitement, competitiveness, fight-or-flight. These are the real feelings that kids have been missing out on for over a decade.

They might find themselves running away from local street gangs, they might find themselves antagonising a 27-year-old Woolworths employee until he snaps. They are free to jump off railroad bridges into the river! They might even find a dead body down there. Welcome to the real world kids!