Nation's Conservatives Well Versed In This Type Of Baseless Character Assassination

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Local conservatives say they are completely unfazed by today’s online meltdown alleging that US President Donald Trump performed fellatio on former President Bill Clinton, with some anonymous posters claiming Russian leader Vladimir Putin has photographic evidence.

While most taxpayers are still trying to work out why anyone would even imagine such a scenario, older conservative voters say they have built up a lifetime of immunity to what they describe as "plain old character assassination."

"This is nothing new," said a Betoota Grove man this morning, pausing mid-stride while walking his wife's dog around the lake.

"We are used to people trying this stuff. Politicians, radio hosts, sports stars. The whole lot. You just take a deep breath, block out whatever cooked thing the internet is saying, and move on. It is honestly a skill."

He pointed to the now-historic 1988 arrest of Alan Jones in a public toilet in London’s Soho district as an example of what he sees as a long tradition of conservatives weathering scandal by simply refusing to acknowledge it for more than four seconds.

In December 1988, Jones was charged with "outraging public decency" and "committing an indecent act". The initial public-indecency charge was dropped the next day, and the remaining charge later discontinued with no evidence presented. His legal team was awarded £70 in costs. Jones later publicly asserted that he was "and always was innocent of the charges levelled against me."

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"Alan was cleared, and that was that," the man said. "People forget that bit. They remember the headline, not the outcome. Same thing here. Someone makes something up about Trump and the next thing you know your nephews at Christmas are asking if your political hero has been doing… well… that."

He said the trick is to simply pretend the allegation does not exist.

"If you acknowledge it even for a moment, you are fucked. You have to go straight into the 'nothing to see here' mindset. We have practised this for decades. It is second nature."

Asked how he even became aware of the rumour, given it is largely confined to terminally online corners of the internet, the man was blunt.

"It is all over X," he said.

"It is actually pretty disappointing that Elon lets people spread this rubbish about a sitting President. It is the last thing he needs."

More to come.