Aussies Actually Excited To See How Our Government Manages To Fuck Up This Jab Passport Too

LOUIS BURKE  | Culture | CONTACT

As the nations’ eastern states continue to deal with the highly infectious and deadly Delta variant, the federal government is attempting to light the end of a long, dark and cavernous tunnel with the incentive of a jab passport.

Currently in use in the UK, EU, China and more, a jab passport could potentially allow people to travel domestically and internationally as well as home quarantine instead of hotel quarantine.

Despite there being no real plan for a national jab passport, the plan has drawn criticism from the anti-vaxx community and people who want their $300, Scotty.

At this stage, the federal government is not in agreement about moving forward with a national passport plan, however, one thing they do agree on is that the roll out will be delayed, tedious, plagued with errors and a headache for Aussies wanting to get involved.

“We can assure you it will run smoothly for all of you,” said Scott Morrison, addressing a group of students at a Sydney private school.

“The passport will be as easy to access as the millions of jabs I myself have personally shared with everyone so basically, you’re welcome.”

Although many Australians have correctly predicted the jab passport will be the buggy tech nightmare that all coalition schemes involving a computer inevitably are, there are some that actually can’t wait to see how big of a shit show this will be.

“Guaranteed the app won’t be available for Android,” stated Betoota Advocate tech columnist Philomena Brown.

“[It will] overheat your phone and use half your data while changing your phone browser to Internet Explorer.”

“And it will only be available to over 50s, in 2025.”