Aussie Teenager Emerges From Social Media Haze And Realises He Has To Move Quick Before The Next Ban

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If only he hadn't spent the last few years looking into a phone screen.

If only he knew what all of those free-range kids down at the local parklands were getting up to in the secrecy of the dense trees and shrubbery.

If only he had taken advantage of his parents burning desire for him to get out of the house, and used it as a bargaining chip.

These are the painful regrets that Betoota Heights teenager, Ben Middleton (14) must now own.

With Australia's historic under-16s social media ban coming into effect this week, Ben is emerging from his enslavement to the algorithmic brain-rot, only to find out that there is much more fun and excitement in the real world.

Specifically, these new electrified bicycles. The ones that really blur the line between BMX and motorbike.

They are very, very fast. And as far as Ben can tell... Kinda legal. For now.

As he now knows, while all of the nation's adults were working themselves up into hysterics over TikTok and Snapchat, a small segment of local teenage population were secretly fanging these high-velocity single track vehicles in complete silence in the public spaces that his parents have been begging him to go visit.

Ben knows his parents would have combined all of his birthdays and Christmas presents together to get him one of these things, if only he'd asked.

He also now knows his mate's older brother has a conversion kit that can make these bikes go 60 kilometres per hour, rather than the factory setting of 10-20 kilometres per hour.

It's not too late for Ben. But he has to move quick. The teachers know about these things. The cops know about them. The old people in his neighbourhood do too. It's a matter of time until the parents and politicians know about them.

And with Australia now patting itself on the back for becoming the first country on earth to ban social media for kids, Ben knows there would be no hesitation to draw a line through these steel horses as well.

If only he'd taken his parents advice and put down that bloody phone!