ASIO Begins Recruitment For Younger Sisters Who Never Got Caught Borrowing Clothes In High School

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

As the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (ASIO) struggles to attract more applicants as there hasn’t been any good spy movies in a while, they’ve had to get a little bit more creative with their marketing tactics – this time, targeting the female demographic.

Speaking to head surveillance officer, Carole Ford, The Advocate learns that women have been seriously underrepresented in the intelligence field, despite having all the skills required to be a top spy.

“Nobody can find out information about a person faster than a tech savvy woman”, says Ford, “all they need is a first name and photo, and they’ll be able to find a bloke’s social media profile, workplace and the price of the house he’s living in.”

“It’s honestly incredible, the skills we’ve seen. Especially if a woman suspects her bloke is cheating.”

Stating that women had a knack for sleuthing, Ford says she’s especially interested in woman with older sisters.

“Primarily, those who were able to get away with stealing their older sister’s clothes without ever getting caught.”

“It really is a fine art, to evade suspicion. It shows that, from a young age, they were able to determine a person’s schedule, extricate items and return them in a way that would not rouse suspicion.”

“All the while ensuring said item was properly taken care of, as anything as small as a lipstick stain would incur wrath.”

“This is what we need for the future of the nation’s security – intelligence, diligence, and ability to operate unseen.”

More to come.