Angus Taylor Apologises For Going Missing Over Summer After Getting Into League Of Legends

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

There has been much conjecture this week as to the whereabouts of Shadow Defence Minister Angus Taylor, who has missing during critical debate and crucial votes on recent hate speech and gun control legislation.

Sources within the Liberals claimed Taylor, who's electorate spans from the hellscapes of Western Sydney to the southern expanses of the Yass Valley near Canberra, has been in Israel these past few weeks.

However, The Advocate can reveal that Taylor has been at his Goulburn home playing popular battle arena video game 'League of Legends' for up to 16 hours a day.

The former management consultant met our reporter at the Laggan Pub near Crookwell yesterday evening where he came clean and asked for forgiveness.

"Yeah, League, ah, really got a hold of me," he said.

"But, nah, yeah. We've sorted it out. My, uh, Chief-of-staff actually came out to home and yanked the headset off my head and shook some sense into me. He put my panoramic screen over his knee, folded it like a cheap deck chair, which is a bit much, I used it for other things like spreadsheets and watching YouTube videos of live Midnight Oil concerts,"

"But I'm sorry for, you know, going missing and missing a few votes. I'm aware people have been wondering where I've been these past few weeks. I'm back on deck now, I'm sorry for not voting on that legislation. I'm not going to tell you how I voted, if anyone cares. But I'm looking forward to, you know, getting back to work."

Then followed a long silence, which was peaceful and pensive. The moment between us was one of purposeful quiet, like going on a road trip with Scott Boland and Cameron Green.

Taylor's 'Pie of the Day' then arrived and he waited no time in dunking his spoon through the pastry and into the molten core of diced chicken and vegetables. In even less time, he popped the contents into his mouth, immediately burning his tongue.

"Ow fuck!" he said.

More to come.