Amazon Drone Deliveries Are Coming To Australia. There's Never Been A Better Time To Buy A Shotgun.

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Amazon drone deliveries are coming to Australia soon, which is excellent news if you've spent the past twenty years watching local shops die, wages stagnate and obscene private fortunes grow so large they start developing their own fungus and thought the only thing missing from our unique way of life was a swarm of Yankee imperialist robots buzzing over the suburbs like it's a bad day in Donetsk.

This is the logical endpoint of convenience capitalism. No shopkeeper, no courier, no human interaction, no wages unless absolutely unavoidable. Just you, an app and a robo-bird serf carrying a $14 imflammable phone charger made somewhere miserable and delivered by a company whose ideal workforce won't need a bottle to piss in. The dream is complete when the worker, the storefront and eventually the road itself have been removed from the transaction.

There has never been a better time to buy a shotgun. Not because you should actually fire one at a drone, obviously. But if you did, I'm not sure society would frown upon it. Well, maybe doing it in Balmain or South Yarra or Tenerife might cause a few upside down smiles but the rest, go off King. But if you were to shoot one down, wouldn't it be fun to see what you got? It's what I imagine life was like for the first naturalists on this island, just shooting beautiful strange birds out of the sky just to get a closer look at what they were.

Anyway when the drones arrive, they'll normalise it within six months. Soon we'll have designated air highways over the suburbs, dropping olive oil and Fleshlights into backyards while some ghoul calls it innovation. This is how they take everything. Not with tanks or bullets, but with same-day shipping, subscription fees and the promise that you'll never have to speak to another human being again.

So buy that shotgun, but do not use it to shoot down Amazon drones. DON'T.

More to come.