Albo Visits Flood-Affected Areas With Plastic Bags Over His New Fuck Boy Sneakers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Opposition leader Anthony Albanese has turned heads in Brisbane today as hit the streets with plastic bags over his new sneakers as to not ruin them.

As Albo spoke to punters on at Hardcastle Park in Hawthorne, a few Mud Army corporals asked him what the go was with his shoes.

“Oh, they were $200, mate,” explained Albo.

“Don’t want to get mud on them. They’d be ruined. So I just tied some plastic bags over them. Tell you what, I admit I should’ve packed my Blundstones. You know that Blundstones are made in Tasmania. Tasmania didn’t have any internet yesterday, except for that Elon Musk bloody Starlink stuff. You know that Starlink is the only internet in Ukraine at the moment? Bloody terrible. Ukraine, hey. Sad in a way, scary how those Russians took hold of Chernobyl. When that bloody thing went kablamo, one of the places they detected radiation was bloody Tasmania, of all places, which is where they make Blundstone boots,”

“But I’m not wearing Blundstones, I’m wearing Nike Air Jordans OG 1 from 1985. They’re worth more than a mint NC Fairlane. Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. I’m here because this ferry terminal here in Hawthorne is in worse shape than the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs [laughs] or even the Broncos the way they’re going. We’re here to take stock of what needs to be repaired and then go ahead and repair it. One less submarine would pretty much sort this town out,”

“Ok, anymore questions about anything other than my shoes?”

The Mud Army platoon shook their heads and continued on their way.

More to come.