“After A Wallabies’ Loss, The Only Thing That Cheers Me Up Is Buying More Chinos”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Peter Smith-Jenkins spent all week getting worked up to cheer on his Wallabies.

Today, he wishes he hadn’t.

Speaking to coworkers this morning at his boutique-but-ultimately-unnecessary-artisan-local-cafe, nobody for the life of their boat shoes could understand how the boys in gold could shit the bed so badly.

“Unbelievable,” he said, cracking his third San Pelligrino of the morning.

“It’s not like when we were playing. The players had a thirst for victory, now it’s basically a glorified boys club that tours the world getting flogged wherever they go. I reckon our firsts could’ve beaten them back in the day!”

But he told The Advocate that he’s since moved on from the loss and that he’s found his own way of cheering himself up.

“Each time the Wallabies have a bad loss, I ask my Dad to borrow the 5-series, drive down to David Jones (even if he says no) in North Betoota and buy some nice new chinos,” he said.

“Maybe some cool new slides for summer. Last time we lost to Scotland, I went a bit silly and bought some 1996 vintage Air Jordans on the company card! Anyway, it’s the only thing that cheers me up in times like this,”

More to come.