Is It Time To Bring Back Dan?

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Australia witnessed another weekend of protests on Sunday. Across the capital cities, a rotating cast of conspiracy theorists, hard-right agitators and the terminally online decided it was their turn to save the nation from total collapse.

Victoria, of course, led the charge. Nobody can fill a CBD with as much conviction as a Victorian convinced the government is out to get them. It doesn’t matter if the cause is lockdowns, vaccines, the father-son rule or a vague unease about the Reserve Bank, if there’s an excuse to march, they’ll be there with a banner and flags.

And now, apparently, the solution to all this unrest is to replace the current government with something “stronger.” Something “tougher.”

Something, dare we say, more authoritarian.

Which raises the obvious question. If people are so desperate for fascism, why not bring back the man who already did it better than anyone? Why not dust off Daniel Andrews?

Nobody enforced order like Dan. Curfews, kilometre limits, taped-off playgrounds, he built an entire social architecture of quiet compliance. He managed to convince one of the most caffeinated and social populations on earth to stay inside for months on end and they largely did it. Victorians, in their heart of hearts, are a docile people. More so than Queenslanders. Melbourne went from “most liveable city” to “world’s longest lockdown” without completely burning down, and that’s a management feat most strongmen can only dream of.

If Australians are genuinely calling out for iron-fist leadership, there’s no need to shop around for fringe parties or disenfranchised former Generals. We had a perfectly serviceable home-grown version already.

So let’s not waste time flirting with amateur fascists who shave their legs. If the country really wants discipline, the solution is simple.

Bring back Dan.