Hungover City Worker Puts Cloth Mask On In The Morning And Almost Dies From The Stench

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An Old City District office worker has told The Advocate that the walls were closing in on him this morning as he put his cloth facemask on after last night spent at the pub.

“I almost died,” said Arjun Reddy, a 32-year-old art director at a local creative agency.

“Being smothered by a rag that stinks of cigarette smoke, stale beer, half-regurgitated tequila and black sambuca is just absolute nightmare fuel. Just awful. I fished the mask out of the rain jacket I was wearing last night. There was some other person’s vape in my pocket, two betting tickets, $690 in cash and my mask,”

“I have no idea how any of that got in there.”

Pubs, clubs and restaurants in Betoota have only been out of lockdown for 479 days and the patronage is not expected to slow until next winter.

“They should close the pubs down again,” said Arjun.

“The government can read my emails, read my WhatsApp and Signal. I don’t care, I just want to feel healthy.”

More to come.