Hobby-Farming Merchant Banker Understands El Nino Is Pretty Much A Bear Market But Like For Rain

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A French Quarter merchant banker visited his Betoota Downs farm over the weekend and frowned.

For some reason, it hadn’t rain on his rolling two-hundred-acre lifestyle block for close to a year.

If it weren’t for the bales of Mitchell grass he bought at the start of the year, Miles John-Whitford would’ve had to pith the dozen alpacas who call his front paddock home.

“Times are tough on the land,” he admitted.

“I’d always heard the term ‘El Nino’ thrown around loosely over the years – I didn’t realise it had something to do with rain. I’ve done a bit of research on it now as it’s really turning my place to shit. From what I’ve been able to ascertain is that its kind of like a bear market but for the weather,”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t make any coin out of it but you’d be fucked if I can turn a dime out of the farm at the moment. The arse has fallen out of the alpaca market. The two cashmere goats I had went mad and the cops shoot them. Anyway, now that I understand what El Nino is, a climate event, I guess I can start planning how I’ll outsmart it and gain an advantage.”

More to come.