Dan Andrews Vows To Get His Revenge On Scotty Once He Gets Out Of His Iron Lung

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

On-leave Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has spoken today from the iron lung he’s been trapped in for the past few weeks after doing his arse on a flight of Mornington Peninsula stairs.

He said he was going to get his revenge on Scott Morrison for putting the boot into the lung while he was down by ripping up the China Belt and Road Initiative.

“I will get my revenge,” said Dan.

“In this life or the next. That fucking dickhead, I worked so hard on that deal. Fuck, all the Chinese wanted to do was build some fucking infrastructure and lettuce [sic] pay it back bit by bit. How is a fucking highway system a national security risk. It’s just a bit of asphalt and dirt,”

Andrews then waited for the lung to start pumping back out so he could speak again.

“And another thing. Why does he keep taking the piss out of Victoria? Leave us alone, mate. We have 80 000 people at the G every week.”

The lung then started blowing back out and Dan fell silent.

Our reporter then elected to leave while he had a chance.

More to come.