Adam Bandt Discreetly Gets His Pre-Cronulla Southern Cross Tatt Lasered Off

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

In some news that has both divided Greens followers and given Sky News journalist Paul Murray a raging erection to the point of priapism, Greens leader Adam Bandt has refused to have the Australia flag behind him at a press conference.

Bandt explained the move, saying, “For many Australians, this flag represents dispossession and the lingering pains of colonisation,” he said.

He is also calling for a new flag.

A contentious issue, while some have supported Bandt for raising the issues with the current design, others have blasted this stunt as stoking a fire and being counterproductive to fostering an inclusive Australia – because instead of encouraging people to come on board with a vision, pissing them off only reinforces their views and creates more division.

Some have called it an immature and shortsighted decision by a leader of a party that has been previously written off as being ‘too radical’ and has since reimaged itself into somewhat more of a centrist option.

Nonetheless, Bandt has doubled down with his assertion that the Aussie flag has got to go, but has had to discreetly sort out a little problem of his own – removing the slightly faded southern cross tattoo or his ‘so-cro’ as he likes to call it, which he got blackout drunk on his mate’s 18th birthday.

Also known as a ‘bogan tattoo,’ the southern cross tattoo has become somewhat of a controversial symbol, after images of the 2005 Cronulla Riots were broadcast around Australia and many of the perpetrators were seen sporting the constellation.

Knowing he would no doubt be rebranded a hypocrite should anyone spot him going for a shirtless jog, Bandt was seen popping into his local laser clinic (not a chain of course, but independently owned) and was fortunate enough to have it removed in just three sessions.

For a stubborn star located just above his third nipple, Bandt has instead had it covered up with a large marijuana leaf.

More to come.