ABC Staff Strikes Escalate As B2 Kneecaps 'Scab' Dr Who For Crossing The Picket Line

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For the first time in 20 years, the ABC staff have walked off the job, leaving the public broadcaster's executives scrambling to syndicate alternative programming from the BBC.

Emergency broadcasting services will remain on air, as the staff do not wish to jeopardise the safety of Australians currently at risk of major flooding and weather events in the country's north. Meanwhile, the bosses are apologising to the public broadcaster's loyal audience who are suddenly being forced to listen to pommy accents.

The strike comes after roughly 60 per cent of ABC staff rejected the broadcaster's latest pay offer of a 10 per cent rise over three years and a $1000 sign-on bonus. Instead, voting in favour of industrial action until the pay dispute is solved.

It is believed the pay negotiations become gridlocked when the boomers that run the ABC were unable to be convinced that literally none of their staff under 50 can afford to buy a quaint terrace house near a light rail station like the part-time TV caption transcribers were able to do in the 2000s.

Instead, the only people that stand capable of exposing Australia's government corruption and major organised crime rings on a national platform are left paying extortionate rent to live in poorly maintained share houses within 1 hour's commute of their newsrooms.

Younger staff are also being strung along on short-term contracts, as the ABC refuses to invest in the next generation of journalists and program producers.

The industrial action appears to involve all departments, from radio, to social media, to the ABC Kids staff.

While the protected strike appears to been well organised by the MEAA media union, tempers have reportedly flared at the picket line in Sydney's Ultimo this afternoon.

This comes as B2, the more fiery of the Bananas in Pyjamas, stands accused of 'kneecapping' Dr Who, as the extraterrestrial British sci-fi character attempted to cross the picket line to lick the boots of the ABC top brass.

It is believed that Dr Who envisions himself as more a 'BBC' program, and therefore should not have to jeopardise his 26-season TV series simply because Four Corners journos can't afford to have kids.

However, Dr Who's neoliberal pommy arrogance was quickly eradicated today, as a hot-headed Banana in Pyjamas took a Kookaburra cricket bat to the Time Lord's legs.

"Fucken scab" roared B2, as Bandit and Gemima then hurled empty VB bottles at the toppled Doctor.

MORE TO COME.