3rd Melbourne Airport To Be Built In The Even More Convenient Location Of Ballarat

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

Infrastructure Victoria has today announced they have plans to make flying to the allergy capital of the world even more confusing, by building a third major airport – this one, in an even more inconvenient location than Avalon.

It’s alleged this decision was made purely to make it even more difficult for first time Melbourne visitors to get to the right airport, as thousands of visitors who went to Avalon instead of Tullamarine each year had been wonderful for the taxi industry but not for the government.

But with Ballarat’s train station line going straight to the Melbourne CBD, IV’s Chief Strategy Officer, Ben Nash says Victoria can expect to experience an influx of cash from confused visitors.

“We originally wanted to build another airport in Tullamore”, says Nash, “to really fuck with people.”

“But unfortunately the town just isn’t big enough to host an airport of this size.”

“However Ballarat hits that sweet spot of being just far enough from the CBD.”

“We plan on raising the cost of train tickets, and running regular round trip deals to Ballarat.”

“Which will be shortened to ‘MEL B’, on all flight distribution sites.”

“Hahahaha.”

More to come.