2021 Lockdowns Result In Unfortunate Spike Of 30-Year-Olds Wearing Roller Skates On Instagram

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

As New South Wales notches up 15 weeks in lockdown, and Victoria hits 320 days since March last year, residents of both states are starting to scrape the barrel when it comes to outdoor activities.

With breadmaking and home cardio work outs now nothing but a distant memory that will remain in early 2020, the search for socially-distanced ‘fun’ continues.

Unfortunately for those living in the free states of Queensland and WA, the Southern lockdowns are still managing to affect our quality of life.

Namely, through the sheer amount of rollerskating content making it’s way onto Instagram.

Obscure hobbyist retailers in Melbourne and Sydney are reporting a major spike in sales of roller skates, as ageing millennials pick up the vintage past time with gusto.

It is not known why rollerskating of all things is the new chosen hobby of bored young adult who have gone months without being allowed into a pub or a gym, but the sportswear industry believes it might have something to do with TikTok.

While many of these late twenties/early thirties southerners like to imagine themselves looking like free-spirited surfers gliding along the Venice Beach boardwalk in the 1980s, the videos unfortunately show something completely different.

“What we are finding is a lot of these people aren’t that familiar with any form of skating” says NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard.

“Hospitals are reporting a huge influx of grazed bums and banged up wrists”

“Please. I beg all of the 30-year-olds on Instagram and TikTok to start slowly with this new trend”

Bronwyn Benton, CEO of Roller Skating Australia says she understands that a choreographed dance number on wheels can look cool on social media, but urges locked down hipsters to please practice before they attempt any of the big moves.

“Rollerskating is not just a social media fad. It’s an artform that can take years to perfect” she says.

“Make sure you don’t hurt yourselves out there while trying to groove to a Megan Thee Stallion banger”

“We need to normalise actually being good at a hobby before showcasing it on social media”