1999 Blockbuster Hit ‘The Mummy’ Responsible For 90% Of Bi-Awakenings

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT

According to a new study, researchers have been able to pinpoint the exact moment 90% of millennials figured out they were bisexual.

Managing director Ian Flynn states they were able to determine a contributing factor, citing that the 1999 smash hit ‘The Mummy’ was responsible for a mass wave of confusion – with many bisexuals recounting it as a pivotal moment in their sexual discovery.

This conclusion arrived after a staff worker stumbled across a large range of The Mummy erotica, which they say they ‘were most definitely not searching for.’

Our reporter took to the streets to uncover why this movie was such a cultural reset, and if any wandering bisexuals can confirm or deny this statement.

“Yeah I remember being like, six years old”, says Evie Hobbs [26].”Watching that opening scene where the gold woman walks into the room.”

“Didn’t think too much about it until I watched the second movie years later.”

“That fight scene between the two women just hits different.”

Citing that Rachel Weisz is more than welcome to ‘run them over with a car’ anytime she likes, another passerby confirms that the movie is the pure definition of bi panic.

“Literally every person in that movie is hot. I was confused? Did I want Brendon Fraser? Anck Su Numun? Or the tall, dark mysterious guy with face tatts?”

“Why won’t my obsession with Rachel ever fade? I don’t know if I want to be her or just have her look at me with loving approval?”

“Do I have mummy issues? I don’t know. Maybe.”

More to come.