Matt Toomua Stood Down From Wallabies Pending Investigation Into Haircut

Matt Toomua Stood Down From Wallabies Pending Investigation Into Haircut

11 August, 2015. 11:30

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

Despite a thrilling 27-19 win against New Zealand in Sydney on Saturday night, The Qantas Wallabies have today announced that an integral playmaker has been stood down from all duties pending an investigation into what has been described as a “horrific above the shoulders offence”.

In front of 73 824 fans, Wallabies veteran and former Brisbane State High debating captain, Matt Toomua debuted a controversial haircut that instantly divided teammates, fans and coaching staff.

Toomua's fans take the chance to get a selfie with him, despite his haircut
Toomua’s fans take the chance to get a selfie with him, despite his haircut

Despite Toomua’s historic second-half performance which led to the Australian national side’s first victory over New Zealand since 2011, the controversy created by his exotic haircut has seen him stood down by the ARU pending an immediate investigation.

Mr Toomua says he will not apologise for what he describes as a “funky top knot with a side fade” – However, even his Canberra-based barber, Vena Joseph, has spoken up about his attempts to stop it from happening.

“Bro, it was one of those things… I’m here to cut hair, not to give life coaching seminars. He really dug it. I thought it was rude as”

Due to a long-standing friendship with Toomua, the Betoota Advocate was able to reach out through our facebook page’s messenger service. It seems Toomua is still not taking the situation seriously.

Toomua gives comment to the Betoota Advocate.
Toomua gives comment to the Betoota Advocate.


Coach Michael Cheika says that Toomua is “very bloody lucky he put on such a show” during Saturday night’s explosive trans-Tasman showdown.

“By the time he took the beanie off and we saw that haircut it was too late… We were about to run on”

“He played alright, but seriously… Who does he think he is? Nick Kyrgios!?”

It is believed former Wallabies captain and fellow Brisbane boy, David Pocock has vowed to play ringleader in a locker-room “touch-up”  – which is said to involve Toomua being held down team-mates while having his head forcefully shaved.

“I’m hoping we can get trim his lid before our next press conference. He reckons we won’t be able to catch him… But we will. It’s time we put this whole thing to rest,” Says a concerned Pocock.

“I’ve informed his bae (Ellyse Perry) about our plans. She is currently in England preparing to replace Michael Clarke as the Australian Test Captain… But she has assured me that she is 100% onboard,”

“If she was in town, he wouldn’t be sleeping in his own bed… That’s for sure”

The Wallabies now head to Auckland next Saturday to attempt to win back the Bledisloe Cup for the first time since 2002. 

If you would like anymore information regarding this story surrounding Matt Toomua’s haircut – please contact: [email protected]

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Tsk tsk tsk.
Tsk tsk tsk.

11 Responses to "Matt Toomua Stood Down From Wallabies Pending Investigation Into Haircut"

  1. Lisa Crago   August 11, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    hey you lot, just about had me in tears when I started reading the headline for this story “Matt Toomua stood down from Wallabies”
    You funny buggers.
    Good story, and way overdue.
    As a Brumbies fan I can declare he is a repeat offender.


  2. Ken B   August 11, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    What is this a haircut. People grow the hell up if his team mates carry out the threat to modify his hair that is assault, it’s only hair it will grow back, as for the ARU for standing down a player for an apparent breach of some ridiculous rule you are now going to have players more concerned about their hair than their game what a stupid world we are living in.

  3. Lisa   August 11, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    What a petty and poor reason to stand down a player, and shame on the coach and ARU if they turn a blind eye to any locker-room bullying.

  4. razz.   August 12, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    what a shame ARU… cum on guys itz just a hair cut n pliz giv matty a break. i guess itz time to concentrate more on bledisloe cup n world cup right rather than waisting time on this stupid idiotic rules. ARU can’t afford to lose such a gud calibre player he’s a great winner n totally changes da game style when he’s in da field..

  5. Beelee   August 12, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    Really? How ridiculously stupid for the coach and the ARU to stand a player down because of his haircut! What’s his hair got to do with being on the field? Sorry, I seriously don’t see what’s wrong with a haircut. Since when did you need someone’s permission on how to cut your hair? Is his hair going to play rugby for him? What is this world coming to? Omg, I AM SO DISGUSTED.

  6. Akuila   August 13, 2015 at 1:13 am

    You are cutting Samson’s hair. I’d leave it if i were you. Anyway he has islander in him. It is part of his strength I’m sure.

  7. Hertryk   August 13, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    There’s a few suspects for the same offence.. Anyone notice Izzy’s.. what is that on the side of his head???

  8. Willhamm   August 13, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    Bloody hell – reading your comments I’m shocked. There I was thinking the article was a wind-up but I can see I was mistaken. From what most of you have said, it’s real and the ARU actually is considering standing down Toomua. Seriously? Wake up and hear the laughter guys.

  9. Willhamm   August 13, 2015 at 5:57 pm

    That bit on Izzy’s hair? It’s his barber’s (hairdresser’s) signature. Izzy said ‘do whatever you like’ so he did.

  10. marko   August 15, 2015 at 12:26 am

    The whole team better get the same haircut so they can loose graciously due to bad taste lol..

  11. Jody   October 26, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    Have you seen Cory Jane’s hairstyle recently? It doesn’t look much different from Matt Toomua’s.


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