Mike Baird Bans Blowjobs

Mike Baird Bans Blowjobs

14 July, 2016. 11:05

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

Female-on-male and male-on-male oral sex will be banned in New South Wales from July 1 next year, with Premier Mike Baird saying the “widespread and systemic flagrance of sexual activity outside of wedlock” cannot be tolerated by the State Government and police force.

Mr Baird and his close friend, NSW Police Chief Scipione, have been outspoken opponents to both blow jobs and hand jobs for many years now. Baird says it comes down to their wholesome involvement in the Hillsong Church.

“You don’t need alcohol to have fun, our lock out laws have proven this. Plenty of young people have found other ways to spend their time.”

“The same goes for blowjobs. We do not need blowjobs to show love for one another… There are plenty of other ways. Like marriage, or buying a home together – these are things that we have had instilled into us by the church,”

Key points:

  • NSW becomes first state in Australia to ban blowjobs
  • Mike Baird says the Government was left with “no acceptable course of action except to ban blowjobs
  • Detailed plans for the shutdown will be developed with consultation

It comes after a special commission of inquiry found overwhelming evidence of young people giving blowjobs as though they aren’t as intimate as “normal s.e.x”.

In announcing his reasons for the ban, Mr Baird said the inquiry found that young people were overlooking the sanctity of marriage by just “giving each other a bit of head” and says this kind of behaviour undermines any spiritual bond between two people.

“Marriage has worked out well for me, under the watchful eye of God,”

“I just hope that everyone else can experience that kind of sensibility… We don’t need blowjobs,”

This announcement comes not even six months after over 15,000 young people marched through Sydney’s CBD against the staff cuts, venue shutdowns, a lack of personal freedom and lost opportunities for young musicians that have resulted from the State Government’s lock-out laws on licensed venues across New South Wales – and one week after he announced a statewide ban on greyhound racing.

“There has been a 45% decrease in blowjobs since I first announced these trials,” he said.

“I won’t be moved on these numbers.

“I am cool, progressive and funny… I take no pleasure in announcing these bans,”

“But even I know that blowjobs are damaging the fabric of our society”

Mike Baird is yet to announce whether or not blowjobs will be allowed inside Star City hotel rooms, but has stated that he does not want to interfere with any upcoming reviews of these new bans.

 

8 Responses to "Mike Baird Bans Blowjobs"

  1. charl eton   July 17, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    OMG, Mel. I hope you are being sarcastic… and that you do recognise parody.

    Reply
  2. b.j. lover   July 17, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    this article’s a prank, isn’t it?

    Reply
  3. Stuart   July 17, 2016 at 11:52 pm

    Anyone who believes theologies’ that any religion has based its way that you must have faith in a book, church, that creates fear of sinning against their so called God, the tragic belief that you must follow some creed/ dogma to go to heaven otherwise it is Hell for You!! The only truth for these insecure people especially Muslims who think paradise and 29 virgins are waiting is that once they die and find themselves in the realm of the spirit the reality will be that everything they believed will be useless. You haven’t understood the power of the spirit and the infallible spiritual laws that everything is subject to but that also allows the children of the Great White Spirit to fear nothing, give service in the battle against ignorance, stupidity, selfishness, superstition, oppression, cruelty, exploitation and needless suffering. Teaching knowledge of spiritual awareness allowing freedom of mind, body and spirit. To recognize that the spirit which animates him is the same that gives life to every other creature in the world. The power of the spirit girdles them all, brings them together and makes them one in the sight of the Great Spirit responsible for their being. So if that is what your religion teaches you on your Sunday church mass no problem. With knowledge comes responsibility. Also anyone that teaches falsehoods has to wait and correct every single person he mislead. I would hate to be a priest or minister of any religion!!!

    Reply
    • Otleechno   July 20, 2016 at 4:29 pm

      I wouldn’t want 29 virgins.. Actually its 70.. What a narrow view you have if God, the Bible and the promise of eternal life you have.,. It’s not your fault. The truth has been hidden through tradition, lies, superstition, and lack of understanding. And no wonder, people don’t read the Bible to know what it really says. I am not sure this article is actually real. For example how does anyone know who has been doing bj and how do they know how much reduction of oral sex there has been?
      I’m amazed that people are so guilable. I do agree that the widespread use of premarital sex diminishes the sanctity of marriage. Think carefully… Do you want your own daughter sucking off every guy in her class or being snagged by every bloke she goes out with? Moral values are good for society! But they are not something that can be legislated.

      Reply
  4. Clementine Holden   July 21, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Absolutely devastated

    Reply
  5. Jaxon   July 22, 2016 at 3:13 am

    A simple and intieleglnt point, well made. Thanks!

    Reply
  6. garyk   September 25, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    What a soft cock. Man up, Baird, get tougher! I want a man with a red flag walking in front of all cars. Get those shocking half naked people off our beaches. There was nothing wrong with bathing after dark, fully clad, emerging from those shoreline cabins. If it was good enough for great great grandma … its good enough for NSW 2016. And whatever happened to Sunday sanctity? I say, bring back a church on every third street corner and compulsory Sunday attendance. And close the beaches on Sundays and let people get back to what counts.
    And, whilst we are on the sanctity thing….erections… have no place in polite society.
    I say, no more “soft cock” policies, Mike….ban erections. All of ’em.

    Reply

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