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Local Taliban cleric Abdul Ghani Baradar (61), from Uruzgan province in southern Afghanistan, has vocally backed inner-city Sydney gentrifier, Sandra Healy (68), in her fight to shut down the 150-year-old local pub down the street that’s been making far too much noise.
The ultra-conservative fundamentalist Mullah says that Sandra is playing an important role in ending heretical cultures such as music, alcohol, and fun, in Australia.
“We fully support brave fighters like Sandra, who have done so much in extinguishing this sin across inner-city communities across Australia,” Abdul Ghani Baradar explained.
Despite ideological differences, Sandra admits that she welcomes the Taliban’s support.
“Finally, someone is listening to me! I’ve been calling the council every single night trying to explain that the pub has been sound-polluting the entire neighbourhood. It’s been a huge issue ever since my husband and I moved here from Terry Hills 18 months ago,” Sandra explained.
Several other Taliban clerics have made phone calls to Sandra over the last few days, urging her to continue her holy mission to ban these inappropriate behaviours.
“If the council cared about this as much as these random men from Afghanistan did, can you even imagine how peaceful this place would be? My house would be worth double!”
Sandra said while dropping off passive-aggressive leaflets in her neighbours’ mailboxes in an attempt to recruit support.
She says she hopes the Taliban will also support her next mission: urging the state government to find somewhere ‘more appropriate’ for the public housing residents down the street.
