WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

Presidents and Prime Ministers from around the world have today dropped their heads in unison, as our leader made his address to the COP26 Climate Summit in Glasgow.

Speaking at the landmark meeting, Prime Minister Scott Morrison caused eye-rolls and even some gasps as he produced a giant lump of coal.

“This is coal,” said Scotty to a group of leaders trying to avert a global crisis that will spell the end of the human race if drastic action isn’t taken.

“Don’t be afraid. Don’t be scared.”

“It won’t hurt you,” he yelled to the room, echoing his words from his famous parliamentary address as Treasurer.

“I know all of you lefties have been listening to the ‘science’ on this thing, but down in Australia we don’t want the lights to go off because the sun isn’t shining on your solar panel”

“We care about jobs”

“Not jobs in the renewable energy sector that could secure our economic future, but jobs in the coal industry that won’t exist in a few years time”

With the Pacific nation’s leaders whose actual landmass is now under threat now audibly shouting at Morrison, the man in charge announced a couple of billions of dollars of funding.

“Technically this got announced in December last year, but I’m re-announcing it to try and get all of you off my case,” said Morrison.

“And fine, we are committing to Net Zero 2050, but we aren’t making any changes to our 2030 commitments made by noted climate activist Tony Abbott in 2015.”

Morrison then waffled on for another few minutes with people getting up and walking out of the room.

French President Emmanuel Macron issued some comments on the address, but they were unfit for print.

More to come.


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