WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

Roughly a million species across the planet have been disappointed today, after a plea for help on their behalf unfortunately was made on the same day as the arrival of the Royal Baby.

In a blow for flora, fauna and the world in general, the United Nation’s released a report today confirming that one million species of plants and animals were under threat of becoming extent as a result of the human species’ impact on the environment.

However, while some had hoped that the dire warning may have served as a little tap on the shoulder to the general population, that news has unfortunately been filed in the ‘Not That Bigga News’ today, as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle gave birth to their first child.

With the news filtering through this morning, that a young boy who will survive longer than a significant number of species was born, conservationists, climate and biodiversity experts and scientists have been informed that they missed their shot.

“We thought we had timed it perfectly,” said one poorly paid conservationist this afternoon.

“We thought that an early week news lull, no sport on, reality TV in a bit of a trough, meant that we might be able to get it really pumping in the news cycle”

“And with an election around the corner it seemed like a firm opportunity to politicise this thing and get a bit of traction”

“But looks like baby Aubrey has dashed all of our hopes,” said the saddened eco-warrior.

The conservationist explained that with the national environmental budget down a third since 2013, and no one seeming to give a fuck, things are looking a bit grim.

“Oh well maybe something will happen at the international convention next year in China aimed to combat the incredible rates of extinction forecast,” she said before bursting into sarcastic laughter.


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