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All new Teslas will now be rolled out with a sleek set of car nuts in a last-ditch effort to attract the only demographic that still has a favourable view towards Elon Musk.
The genius idea came from the tech CEO and Tesla owner himself, Elon Musk.
“Yeah, so it turns out that alienating the half of the country that has a positive view towards electric vehicles and cozying up to the other half that think electric cars are gay wasn’t great for business,” the South African billionaire explained.
The tech mogul came up with a genius idea to increase sales amongst the “Electronic cars are gay/A psyop for the one-world government” crowd while on a three-day ket bender in Iceland.
“Car nuts,” Elon revealed.
“A timeless gag, a screw you to the woke mob, a symbol of true masculinity… it’s perfect.”
The car company didn’t waste a second and has reportedly started attaching car nuts to all of its models.
“I think the American patriots will find this funny enough for them to look past the fact that it’s not run on fossil fuels,” Elon explained.
Industry analysts are skeptical, saying that while the move may generate short-term buzz, it does little to address Tesla’s actual challenges.
Still, Musk remains confident, teasing future accessories like a rifle rack add-on and a built-in exhaust sound simulator for those who “miss the roar of real engines.”
Early reactions from Tesla owners have been mixed, with some praising the bold marketing shift while others expressed concern that their Model S has a literal ball sack hanging from the back.
Regardless of public reception, Musk has already declared the initiative a success, tweeting, “The woke mind virus has been TERMINATED. Buy a Tesla. Lol.”
