A recent report by the prominent Australian research think tank P.C.R.C.O.F has today found undeniable correlations between wearing surf brand beanies with brims and getting offended by the mobilisation of black people around the world.

Founded in early 2013, P.C.R.C.O.F (Poor Cunts Reading Comments On Facebook) is now one of the most prominent public policy advisors in Australian Parliament.

The most recent report has found that a small minority of the public who believe the Black Lives Matter movement is a direct attack on their identity, are also the same people who thought the Coronavirus pandemic was a left-wing conspiracy – right up until last week, when they all of became very vocal with their concerns around the potential for COVID-19 to spread during anti-police brutality demonstrations.

Aside from the peaked beanie, this unique demographic of watered down white supremacists can also be identified by their tendency to plaster the internet with ‘All Lives Matters’ – in an attempt to position the current protests against deaths in custody as militant anti-white terrorism cell.

Local peaked beanie wearer, Brandon Ward (44) is one of these unhelpful political experts at the centre of the study.

Brandon believes that the there is absolutely no such thing as systemic prejudice towards black people in police forces around the world – especially in Australia, where everyone is treated equally and to suggest otherwise is just divisive political correctness.

“These people are thugs” says Brandon, who seems quite insincere in his apparent disgust that several multinational department stores have been looted as a result of the civil unrest in America.

“These people are such snowflakes haha”

“It’s simple. If you don’t want to go to jail, then don’t break the law” he smugly declares, while readjusting his 2003-Aussie-hip-hop-style snowboarder beanie, before launching into his most ironically snowflake tirade yet.

“They are completely lawless. Trump should send it the military. So should ScoMo. We should lock them all up and throw away the key forever”

“People need to show some respect”


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