The fiery, torturous eternal afterlife known as hell has been awarded a Michelin star at the launch of their new food guide.

The new and improved nightlife in Hades is believed to be linked to an influx of gay and lesbian residents – after an Australian rugby union player interpreted the Bible in a certain way.

Long-time Hell resident, Satan, is known for her scorching portions of noodles with prawns and crab, cooked over charcoal fires. The eccentric chef carries a pitchfork with her to stir the giant woks in her kitchen.

However, while Satan has always impressed with her cooking, even she admits the place needed a makeover.

“These gays have done wonders for the aesthetic” says Satan.

“The furniture is just divine. I’m so glad Israel Folau sent them here”

As Satan points out, it’s not just the Queer eye for tasteful furniture that has helped Hell become the first hatted afterlife, it’s also the Lesbian work ethic.

“These girls have also given the standard of service in these venues a real kick up the behind.”

“We’ve got floor managers with radio ear pieces running around now, that’s how serious it is”

Open daily in the centre of the earth, Hell was one of 17 awarded stars, decided by Michelin after months of secret inspections.

While Michelin has a reputation for fine dining, it claims it is not all white tablecloths and silver cutlery – and are now intentionally expanding their reviews to include more unrefined or ‘street’ venues like Hell, and Brisbane’s Kookaburra Queen floating high tea restaurant.


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