Former Australian Defence Minister Christopher Pyne has today officially denied any rumours surrounding tabloid media’s obsession with an alleged falling out between himself and British heart-throb singer/actor Harry Styles.

This follows news that there is a growing rift between the two titans of the arts, which is believed to have stemmed from some ‘bad vibes’ during recent interviews at the Venice Film Festival.

While Christopher Pyne is well known as the darling of the Adelaide Fringe Festival, it is not yet known why the hell is he was seated next to the multi-platinum recording artist at the iconic awards show.

However, it seems the teenage beatlemania that appears to follow both men has only poured fuel on these rumours – forcing the retired politician to give an official statement.

“What on earth!?” said the former Member for Sturt, after being approached for comment by the Betoota Advocate.

“Harry Styles. Why would I have a problem with that dreamboat. Who is telling you this? Oh I have had it up to here with the sensationalist dribble that comes out of the Australian media at times.”

“I do not say this lightly, but this is the first time I’ve ever agreed with Andrew Bolt. The Betoota Advocate is nothing but a SLEAZE SHEET!”

Mr Pyne was then told to calm down by this journalist, or else we would take his overly defensive tone as confirmation that there was in fact a little bit of drama between him and the British hunk.

“You really don’t get it, do ya Clancy” said Pyne.

“After everything I did for this country”

“Our education system was in tatters and I FIXED IT”

“But obviously not soon enough to save you, my friend”

“Me and Harry are fine!!!! I have the greatest respect for him. Not that he would even know that, or care. He’s really gotten quite big for his boots ever since Watermelon Sugar hit the charts.”

“Now piss off”


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