In some developing news out of the land of the free and the home of the brave, it’s believed that the United States are getting closer to deciding upon who they think they might be able to beat in a war.

It’s being alleged that the slowly fading superpower think they might be able to chalk a win, for the first time in nearly a century.

It’s believed that Iran is the country set to face the latest imperialist attack from the US, with President Donald Trump threatening to obliterate parts of Iran if they attack anything American, in the wake of a US drone being shot down.

This comes after tensions rise between the people beneath the star spangled banner and the nation of Iran, with the rest of the globe beginning to get a bit nervy about another pointless war.

However, with a losing streak that extends back to the 1940’s, it’s believed that the US is doing it’s best to make sure of this one.

“It’s been quite a while since we dipped our toe in the water and really gave it a nudge. So we are well overdue for another messy international conflict with long term consequences upon geopolitics and hundreds of millions of lives,” explained an old US general who requested anonymity.

“But, rather than just jump in all guns blazing, we are really trying to make sure we get it right this time.”

“I mean, we couldn’t get on top of a tiny little island called Cuba just off our coast; and Iraq and Afghanistan, despite what people might say, falls in the L column in terms of all key indicators.”

“So we desperately need to get up in this next one, and given that there isn’t a lot of good feeling towards Iran, maybe we can get a comprehensive victory.”

The general then explained that he had previously pushed for an invasion of ‘pesky Honduras’ or somewhere random like Eritrea, but the powers at be wanted somewhere bigger, ‘to make more of a statement.’

“Yeah, they wanted a big scalp, which is ambitious since we haven’t been able to take the scalps of any smaller third world countries, but it is what it is.”

“Anyway, watch this space, America vs Iran’s promises to be a pretty tasty matchup if we can get it over the line.”


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