EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

WHERE ART THOU TITTIES: A local woman has yet again found herself contemplating whether it’s time to throw her hand bag in the river today.

It had been going so well. The conversation had been flowing, the banter witty, yet tasteful. He’d asked all the right questions and genuinely seemed interested in her as a human being.

But as usual, like mogwai’s turning into a gremlin if fed after midnight, the inevitable message had come through – ‘want to come over and hang?’

Which could have passed for innocent, had it occurred before 8pm on a weeknight.

Feeling that all too familiar feeling of crushing disappointment, Victoria Langlord [33] concedes that she’s yet again fallen victim to hookup culture.

“It used to be so easy to spot these types of blokes”, she explains, “but now it’s all sheep in wolves clothing.”

“It’s not just the shirtless guys posing in the mirror who want a hookup, it’s the sweet looking engineer holding a baby in his second photo.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

Muttering something about men writing sonnets back in the day, Victoria says she struggles to shift from chatting online to actually meeting in real life, which will then mostly just be invites to Netflix and chill.

“It’s certainly not all blokes of course, but it’s enough to be disheartening”, she explains, “and I certainly don’t have any perception of any issues men deal with dating, only my own.”

“But sometimes I think dating apps have really fucked up dating experience. Not only is there the illusion of choice, which I too am guilty of, but people are just treating each other like they’re expendable.”

“And unlike meeting someone through your friends or work, there are no repercussions for shitty behaviour with online dating.”

Letting out a sigh, Victoria muses that apps go against nature, as even male peacocks have to make an effort to get female’s attention.

“Guys looking for a root used to have to hit the clubs. Now they can just throw spaghetti at the wall by scrolling on their phone.”

“It’s like dial-a-vagina.”

More to come.


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