The nation’s tertiary education sector has today breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Their cause for exhalation was the Victorian state government’s revelation that a few international students will be allowed to return to Aussie shores in the coming months.

Although it will only be 120 students initially, the nod from the government that the cash taps will be opened has breathed new life into the sector.

“Fuck, what a relief,” said the Vice-Chancellor of a local university.

“It’s been an awful couple of years.”

“I mean, we’ve spent the last few decades doing everything we can to commercialise higher education so we can maximise profits at the expense of actually trying to run the institutions to benefit the greater society”

“And we pissed it all up the wall on paying the executive, inflating the size of our middle management, building shiny new buildings, and trying to build partnerships with our international cash cows,” explained the public servant on 1.4 million dollars a year.

The high-paid executive then explained that plans to actually re-evaluate what courses are the most relevant and useful to society, and attempts to get people from that small section of society below the middle and upper-classes into uni, have now been forgotten.

“Having international students that we can charge triple the fees to pass/low credit through business and arts degrees again is a godsend.”

“I’ll be hitting all my KPIs, which mostly revolve around revenue in no time,” continued the boss of an institution in a country that’s experiencing huge shortages of local teachers, nurses, scientists, and so on.

“We’re back baby!”

“And large companies like Uber and 7/11 should be cheering, a fresh injection of the economic underclass will be here in no time for them to exploit.”

“They can thank us later,” he laughed.


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