Remote Aboriginal communities in Queensland the Northern Territory are apparently doing great, after a consistent stream of ABC stories about obscure non-academic activities being introduced to their kids.

The introduction of marathon running, tai chi and tuba programs have had a resounding effect in solving the third-world standard of health and education in Indigenous communities, according to the ABC.

There has also been great success with a new focus on other things not necessarily related to the direct issues facing the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander community, such as bocci and ice skating.

One local, Sarah Whitely-Buttrose says she was really worried about the future of her remote community, that was until the AIS paid a Canadian expert to come to their mission and coach the kids in triple-jump and javelin.

“The moment that happened, all of all intergenerational trauma and systemic health and education issues instantly became a thing of the past”

“Who would have known that such a bizarre track and field discipline was all we needed to pull ourselves out of two centuries of dispossession and divisive government policies”

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has described this year’s Closing the Gap report as “the most promising result since 2011”, despite seeing improvement in only three out of seven targets.

“We need to allocate more funding to expressive dance and bongo drums” said Turnbull.

“Other then that. Things are looking awesome”




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