A suburban father of two popular teenage daughters has today been rattled to his core, after watching youtube videos and learning the exacts lyrics of Bronx-based hip hop artist ‘Cardi B’.

Keiran, a loving family man had only heard passing comments about the iconic American rap superstar over the Christmas holidays, but after the arrival of some fan merchandise for his daughters in the mail today, his curiosity got the best of him.

Settling down with his laptop at the kitchen table while his wife Clara picked up their daughters, Kati (16) and Stephanie (17) from netball practice, the middle management executive from a local confectionary and cosmetics import company had his entire world turned upside down.

Starting with youtube, the 45-year-old son of wheat farmers was expecting some kind of ‘Lady Gaga’ style performative pop star.

The first video Youtube suggestion led him to “City Girls – Twerk ft. Cardi B (Official Music Video)”

“Holy fuck” whispered.

“What the fuck”

Not sure if his own daughters had the motor skills to successfully ‘twerk’ – Keiran went looking for more videos, in case he had stumbled across a the wrong part of the internet.

The next video he was exposed to was titled “Cardi B – Bodak Yellow [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO]”

“I had to google the lyrics” he told our reporters.

“It’s her”

“I’m pretty sure she just referred to her vagina as a lake”

As he rummaged through the fridge for a cold beer, it became apparent that the softly spoken suburban patriarch was dealing with the introspective dialogue surrounding his inattention to the fact that his daughters had grown up in quite a hurry.

“I swear I had a few tins in here” he said to our reporters.

“Get in the car, we’re going to the pub”

“Quick. Now”

At time of press, Keiran was sitting in the gaming room at the local tavern furiously refreshing new videos on his phone.

“I love her confidence. She’s a very inspiring artist” he said.

“But how the fuck did my girls come across this?”


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