ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The nation’s peak scientific body has confirmed this morning that children, in particular the younger ones, do not feel the cold and will happily run around in a t-shirt no matter how freezing it is outside.

The CSIRO published the paper on their website this morning, which was the culmination of over two week’s research.

Speaking to the media this morning in Canberra, the study’s lead researcher said the paper’s findings all but confirm suspicions many parents have had for years.

“You might buy a young child a nice coat to keep them warm but according to our research, they’ll immediately take it off and run around in just a single-layer,” said the CSIRO spokesperson, Dr Ghze Braokoe.

“Kids do this because we found they can’t get cold,”

“While a parent might stand there at the edge of the playground and feel cold to the point where they’re convinced their body is starting to shut down, kids often remain unperturbed by the winter temperatures. It’s fucked if you ask me but that’s not a scientific term.”

Locally, a Betoota Heights mother has told The Advocate that the report’s findings have left her feeling vindicated after her 7-year-old came home without his school parka for the second time this term.

Brenda Spew of Greenhorne Street explained that her son keeps losing his jumpers, parkas and coats because he takes them off and leave them places as he often feels too hot.

“It’s enough to make you want to head butt the nearest tree until the lights go out,” she said.

“That fucking school, I’ll tell you what. Who the fuck has $80 to spend on a school parka? Fuck’s sake. Kids lose things all the time. They’re just profiteering on us, the fucking school is,”

“I know my kid’s not the shiniest spoon in the tea set but Christ on a fucking pogo stick, you’d think he’s immune to the cold. He gets a new coat and immediately loses it. Why is he taking it off? It’s fucking June! Now this paper has come out, which was an appalling use of taxpayer money if you ask me, which makes me feel a certain sense of vindication but at what cost?”

More to come.


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