ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The nation’s highest-earners are set to lose another thing they cherish this year to the ‘largely annoying’ coronavirus.

Skiing, both domestically and internationally, will probably be ruined this year by the pangolin’s revenge – that’s according to one of Betoota Grove’s most average-looking people.

Colin Greenbauer, a charming plump local protestant with veneers, explained that skiing in Australia is typically spoiled by climate change and/or global warming.

But this year is different, he says.

“I bet it’s going to be the best season for years, too!” he said.

The 48-year-old had a very noticeable overbite, which was annoying to look at.

“Usually, as an Australian skier, you have to get used to navigating through the odd patch of slushie dirt snow and also the very frequent ice sheets that make it feel as if you’re trying to ski on an ice rink!”

“This year, this deep-fried Hubei spicey lung has really thrown us a curveball. It’s nice to have something other than climate change to blame the terrible snow on! And the real kicker is that we can’t even fly overseas to get some better snow! New Zealand is shut!”

“Looks like it’s Japan in December!”

Our reporter went to ask another question but just let out some air and decided to call it a day.

More to come.


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